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Love Letters to Friends, As Well As Very Important Musings on Earth Shattering Matters:
Thread Count, Powerlifts, Quilting, Karaoke, Lemon Cookies, and Graphomania

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

An Excerpt from a Cape Times Sports Op-Ed Piece Which Made Me Laugh Out Loud Today

..in which an ex-tighthead prop speaks up about what made him a good player, and explains things much better than me

From the article "This Tighthead Prop Thinks It's About Time WP Lifted the Cup....", The Vice Squad by Telford Vice, printed in Cape Times October 14, 2009 sport section (p 14)

To lend the number 3 jersey the dignity it demanded, you needed a skull of Kevlar,
a neck as thick as a flyhalf's thigh, shoulders like Volksie fenders, a back fit to build a freeway on, arms that stayed where you put them, no matter what, and a pair of legs that could hold up a cathedral. 
    
Most of all, you needed an attitude that made you suspect the world of wanting to sleep with your sister, even if you didn't have a sister.  I had three sisters. Do the math.

Anything less than all that and perhaps you were just a loosehead in disguise.  Worse yet, a mere lock.  Hookers were lost farts who didn't really belong anywhere, and loose forwards were invariably loose in the head, and backwards.  As for those other okes in your team you never said a word to, those bangbroeke numbered 9 to 15...

Let's just understand that if you didn't have to fight off the urge to smack your own scrumhalf upside the head whenever he ventured within range, there was no way on this green earth that you were a dinkum tighthead.

Sorry, taking the cheater's way out tonight - too much singing and dancing last night, not enough sleeping in this morning.  The WP - Blue Bulls match is sold out, incidentally, so I will be forced to find a bar to watch it in...and unless the Sharks lose and WP wins, which is unlikely, I don't think they get the home pitch for the finals.  Ah well.  Now that I know the Eagles are ranked 18th, maybe I'll start learning their names and sending them love notes.

2 comments:

  1. My dear are you in Cape Town or the set of West Side Story? Sharks, knives? When do the Jets show up, or is that made up of all you White Americans singing and dancing your way the karaoke bars of late?
    Keep em comin girl! Your writing and sense of humor is truly fantastic! But do be careful and try not to get knifed by any jets, sharks or blue bulls... (wait- blue bulls or....?

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  2. This is such solid stuff, Kel. Keep it coming...

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